Zillow just named Boston the number one most popular city in which to be single! The site reports a whopping 66 percent of Boston residents are single, making it potentially the best city in the country to find love!
As a Relationship Counselor and Dating Coach in Boston, I know that Boston has a bad dating rap. So what gives? The answer may not be inherent to Boston as a city, but more so a result of modern day dating culture itself.
Boston is a fantastic city for singles because there are so many professionals and Millennials who are looking for love, not just casual hookups.
According to the the recently released 2017 results of Match.com’s Single in America Survey, 64% of people meet at bars, 43% meet at the Laundromat, and 42% at the gym. Bostonians may just have to drop the dating technology for a bit.
In fact, many of the swiping apps, such as Tinder and Bumble, activate the reward center in your brain, releasing dopamine, a neurotransmitter that’s like a hit of pleasure. You become “trained” to swipe over and over again, seeking that “high” every time you match. The more matches, the bigger the boost of feel-good chemicals, similar to the effects of drugs or gambling. You’re left craving more, which may explain why you can’t seem to put your phone down and get off those apps.
Those serious about a commitment are frustrated with what I call the "grass is greener" dating mentality, which is the belief that someone potentially "better" is out there. It is because there are so many eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in Boston, a city full of educated, successful, attractive people, that singles fear they could be missing out on the next best thing, leaving them hesitant to commit. This giant case of FOMO is preventing couples to move from casual to the coveted boyfriend/girlfriend status. .
Being inundated with such desirable dating choices also leads to poor dating etiquette, such as the phenomenon of ghosting, which is when someone you're dating or talking to disappears without a reason or explanation. This experience leaves singles disheartened and more likely to bring a cynical attitude back into the dating market.
So, if you’re looking for love, my biggest piece of advice is to get back to basics. Put your phone away, make eye contact, smile, and say hello, it’s that simple. You want to give others the green light signal that you’re approachable and won’t reject them.
Head to a workout class, venture to a local bar or café, maybe even get some chores done and go to the Laundromat. Naturally you won’t be attracted to everyone you come across, but being friendly expands your social network and you never know who you might meet. You’re surrounded by thousands of other Bostonians looking for connection and love!
Ultimately, if you don't know what you want, and how you want to feel about it, you'll never know if and when you have it. You can’t gain clarity in your love life without digging deeper to explore your core values, life goals, and love lessons from past relationships so that you can have a better sense of who will be a good match. Set out to be a smarter, more intentional dater.
Are you wasting your time dating someone emotionally unavailable? Take this QUIZ to find out!